The title pretty much says it all…
Well, The Nail ended up going 12-10. Not great...but still, not bad when it’s broken down, because there were SEVERAL categories that The Nail knew “Hurt Locker” could take Avatar (sound and etc.) AND The Nail took a couple of chances that didn’t pay off, not to mention the fact that 3 surprise wins – “Precious” for screenplay over Reitman for “Up in the Air”, "White Ribbon" getting bested in foreign film AND “Up” over “Avatar” for Score – were total bombshells!
So, taking that into effect, The Nail should have been 18-4…but, like the great Don King once said; “Hey, woulda’, coulda’, shoulda’…Didn’t!”
However, what would APPEAR to be a rebuilding year for The Nail is actually just an off night. Think of it as having an all-star line up, but some unforeseen injuries and a tough schedule played the roles of an under-performance...and knowing you had to chose one star DH over another even though they both could work. Overall, the core group is still solid, just going to have to try and get healthy and come back and play to that potential.
So, let The Nail break it down…
The only real surprise The Nail had was dude got screenplay for “Precious” over Reitman and “Up in the Air”...SO did not see that coming, however The Nail was never so happy to be wrong in his entire life!!!
Other minor surprises were how “Locker” bested “Avatar” in Editing (though The Nail did call for a possible editing upset) and for Sound Editing and Mixing. Once that happened, The Nail KNEW it was “Hurt Locker’s” night…just as he predicted could happen! From then on, The Nail knew “Locker” had Oscar in it’s sights…and when Streisand came out to give the award for Director (and said “It’s about time…”), it was all but guaranteed that SHE was going to give the award out to the FIRST FEMALE to win, EVER! (Yeah, it’s about time…It’s about time that Female Directors get better scripts to work with and can therefore get more nominations! It’s about time my ass. Not every woman has to make “Sleepless in Seattle”, okay?! Bigelow proved that…so don’t buy the bullshit people!) Picture was a lock after that, and not a surprise, period!
“Up” besting “Avatar” for score…man, who would have guessed that?! The Nail is willing to bet good money that nobody on the planet picked that! And, hey…The Nail took a chance on the Short Documentary category for the first time, so points awarded for boldness. And never, NEVER would The Nail have thought “White Ribbon” loses Foreign Film…Never! By the way, the film that won…uh, er, um…”Christ, I can’t find it. The Hell with it!” to quote Harry Doyle! Yep, that’s how important that film was. Wonder if it’ll ever be out so anyone can see it…maybe by 2011's Oscars.
AND THAT BRINGS US TO:
Like the title says, "Hurt Locker" is the first movie to win picture that NOBODY saw! I mean, seriously!
Check it out...
It was released last year on like 2 screens, then every couple of weeks they would add a couple more. The Nail thinks by the time it was in it's "full run" (that would be Nationally AND Worldwide) it was only like on 200 screens, TOTAL!...compare that to Transformers on 6,500 screens! It was like they didn't want anyone to see it, even though it kept getting all these rave reviews! Every week The Nail checked the local listings for "Locker"...NOTHING! Supposedly, there was a "shortage" of prints available for release. Riiiiight...you make a movie that gets A+'s, 5 stars out of 5, Thumb's Up and rave reviews, and you DON'T get more prints made! The Nail isn't buying...
Then - and this is the best part - it's time to come out on DVD, and there's a "disagreement" with the distribution rights or negotiations on the royalties or some other crap, so NOW you go to the video store and there's like 1 copy! ONE! Welcome to THUNDERDOME!
Then, you go to Best Buy, and it’s NOT EVEN THERE TO BUY!
Compare that to the 550 copies of Transformers they have for rent and the 10 thousand copies to buy! RIDICULOUS! So, basically, if you're NOT a member of the Academy, you might have been one of the 500 people worldwide that actually got to SEE the goddamned movied before the Oscars!
The Nail was lucky enough to get a copy someone burned (great Birthday present shout out to the Maestro…thanks!), so The Nail was one of the few to have actually seen it. And yes, it was a great movie, full of tense moments...but it was truly the last 15-20 minutes of that movie that make it great:
(SPOLIER ALERT – since most of you haven’t even come close to seeing it: When dude cannot disarm the bomb strapped to the innocent Iraqi and it blows, following the emotional breakdown of his once confident partner, followed by the showing of his return home and the boringly mundane monotony of his everyday life after he makes it home, to his confession to his infant son that there is only one thing he knows he truly loves, followed by his return to Iraq and being all smiles, to his going off in the distance to disarm another IED to the heavy rock guitar starting up and the immediate cut to black with “Directed by Kathryn Bigelow”…OH MAN! TOTALLY AWESOME! I get tingles just thinking about that!)
But………
The Nail’s theory is that the producers WANTED to keep it in a very limited release (to great reviews) and hold up the public from seeing it so they would HAVE to buy in to said great reviews in the hopes that this would secure them their awards! THEN, release on DVD and a possible re-release in theaters on a massive scale for immediate profit returns to capitalize on the Awards!
Think of it as some chick playing "hard to get"! The harder it is to get her, the MORE your dumbass tries! After awhile, all you know is you have to get her. Same with the movie...hold it back till you're foaming at the mouth to see it.
I mean, one of the producers was actually BANNED from the Oscar ceremony for sending out an e-mail lobbying for votes against “Avatar”! That's right, BANNED! First time in history!
So the entire thing is quite shady to The Nail…and if there’s one thing The Nail knows well, it’s things that are shady!!
So, at the end of the day, whaddayagonna’ do, eh?!
The Nail takes extreme comfort in the fact he knew it was a 2 picture race between “Avatar” and “Hurt Locker”, so sleeping at night isn’t a problem. A 50/50 shot is going to go one way or the other, so you gotta’ go with your gut when it’s Game Time folks!
As for the rest of it? Fuggedaboutit!!! It was fun. The Nail liked Martin and Baldwin, and was most pleased to see Doogie Howser doing the opening number! The Nail has a feeling we'll be seeing more of Doggie in the Oscar's to come! And of course, a shout out to T-BONE! Awesome song...and at least The Nail isn't left here saying, "Hey T-Bone! No T-Bone? WHY no T-Bone?!" hahahaha ;-)
Next up: The Nail’s review of “Shutter Island”; and his list of “The Greatest Action Movies Ever Made”!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Nail’s 2010 Oscar Picks!
Hey, yo everybody! How youuuu doin’?!?!
Nicky "The Nail" here once again for your Oscar picking needs and ready to lay the smack-down like a baseball bat to the knees. Unlike all of those other WUSSIES out there who only pick the main categories, The Nail is here to give it ALL to you!
Last year – though far from "dominating the Dojo" – was a solid showing. Nobody could have predicted "Slumdog Millionaire" and the way it swept through the technical categories like Fat Uncle Frankie through Jimmy 2 toes’ all you can eat buffet; best in the city.
But hey, if you take away those results, The Nail dominated the 8 major categories (the only ones all the pansy-asses do); Picture through Screenplay, with only 1 miss (damn you, "Slumdog"!) so I feel supremely confidant.
Still, as a matter of fact, this could be a difficult year for The Nail to match his greatest achievement; the 20-1 year of ’97, where the only miss was a last minute change from Kim Basinger to Gloria Stewart (damn you, "Old lady from "Titanic"!)who now sleeps with the fishes…literally. And since the academy has bumped up the Best Picture category from 5 to 10, it makes it all the more difficult to predict the outcome this year.
But having said that, The Nail is ready to rock the Academy’s world and give you:
The Nail’s 2010 Oscar Picks!
Right out of the Gate…let’s go to the Big 8!
BEST PICTURE:
Hey, I love me some Katherine Bigelow; "Point Break" anyone?! But listen, I LOVE me some James Cameron more, always have. Dude is self-made and under constant scrutiny and has never, ever made a bad movie. EVER! The Nail’s bottom line is simply this…with the addition of 5 more movies for Best Picture, this race is nearly impossible to predict. The voting will be spread so thin that even an anorexic actress would agree.
Having said that, The Nail believes this is a 2 picture race between "Avatar" and "The Hurt Locker". Honestly, The Nail believes that the last 15-20 minutes of "Locker" are the reason it’s got all these nominations and such…they were very powerful moments.
Now, here’s the deal…if "Avatar" continues this monster momentum it has gained over the months it’s a no brainer along the same lines as "Lord of the Rings" and "Titanic" were. BUT, if the buzz subsides, and as most Academy voters are elderly and watch many of the nominees on dvd at home, then the splendor of the big screen 3-D "Avatar" will subside, and then perhaps the "Hurt Locker" will ride in or the "This is America, RIGHT NOW" tale of "Up in the Air" could very well win out (that is a wild card prediction, since the 10 nominated films sort of dilute the category).
So, who should you place your bet on then?!?!
The Nail’s going with "Avatar"…the Academy has been dying in the ratings and this is the year they finally accept it and name a popular movie.
Besides, The Nail is tempted to say this pick just because of all the "haters" out there who keep saying it shouldn’t or won’t win; Hmm well, hehe……
BEST DIRECTOR:
Ah, the war of the roses…er, The Cameron’s! Ex- husband and wife. It’s gonna’ be a showdown (insert music here)!
People will not like it, and The Nail will never understand why, but it will be Cameron who wins. Hands down.
All he did was take 15 years to shoot a film, operate all the equipment himself and invent new cameras to make "Avatar". In the meantime, he shattered every record there is in Film…AGAIN. Someone therefore explain to The Nail how THAT is not the very definition of being "The Best"?! Bigelow had cleaned up in the independent awards, but the Globes saw what Cameron did and rewarded him accordingly. So will the Academy.
Besides, the guy just made them 2 and a half BILLION dollars!!!!! Oh, yeah…he won’t win. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure……….
BEST ACTOR:
So confident that this category is a sure thing, The Nail is declaring Jeff Bridges as his LOCK OF THE WEEK! Period. Place your bets. This will not necessarily be because he was the best (although The Nail believes he is)…he will win more so along the lines of Al Pacino, Paul Newman or Sean Connery..."What, he HASN’T EVER WON?! Well, here you go!" And hey, as the old saying goes; "If you want the award, be in a Holocaust movie or play a drunk."
BEST ACTRESS:
Probably the most difficult category of the night! Will Meryl get another statue? Will newcomer Gabby get it for "Precious"? All are valid contestants…but in the end, Sandra Bullock will win for "The Blind Side". It’s simply her year….
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Really, Tucci deserves the win for his body of work! God, The Nail LOVED him in "Undercover Blues"! "Muerte! My name is Death!" LOL! But, Christoph Waltz is like a steamroller! He stole every scene in "Basterds", and there is no doubt in The Nail’s mind he will finish the awards season with Oscar in Hand! (Whispers Hint: He plays a Nazi who gets his. What was that I said above about roles to play for awards?)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
3 letters…O, M, F’N, G! Ok, so that’s more than 3, but listen here…Mo’Nique DESTROYED her role! Just destroyed it. If you never saw her comedy before, you’d NEVER know that was her! Just a totally disturbing acting job that leaves you speechless. If it weren’t for Jeff Bridges, I’d call her The Nail’s Lock of the Week. If ever there was a role that made you want to reach through the screen and choke a bitch, it was this one.
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY:
This is how the Academy will recognize the spectacle that is "The Hurt Locker". Because it will not get Picture, it will be acknowledged for it’s tense writing and dialogue. If Tarantino had a shot in anything this year for "Basterds", it would have been here. As it stands, Mark Boal, "The Hurt Locker".
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY:
Ditto here. "My Daddy made "Ghostbusters" so I get a 3 picture deal even though I’ve never done anything to prove I deserve it." Jason (I fucking hate your guts you prick! Even though, "Thank You For Smoking" and "Juno" were very good…I still fucking hate you! I want to choke this prick in the bathtub like dude did to Sandler in "Little Nicky" while imagining that Kevin Spacey takes all his roles!) Reitman. Enjoy it, you asshole! Maybe this win will help you NOT to look like the spoiled little shit you are; like when the camera was on you at the Globes and you lost to "Avatar"! (And you owe Clooney for this, BIG TIME!)
And now, the rest of the Oscar Race…….
DOCUMENTARY:
For the first time ever, The Nail has actually NOT seen any of the nominated films. I know, SHOCKING! But hey…you see how much time you have to go to an independent theater that only shows a certain film for a week or so and then disappears when you have a 2 year old! Yeah, THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT!
Having said that, The Nail is a gambler, and will STILL make a selection here…bold, I know. Actually, we’ll do 2 – that’s right, 2! – picks.
This is The Nail’s newest category…LONGSHOT OF THE WEEK!
So listen up…For Feature, The Nail is going with "The Cove", about the horrible abuses in Japanese waters towards sea life, mainly Dolphins. The Nail has read a lot about this film, and although "Food Inc. and "Most Dangerous Man in America" have a USA punch, all the PETA freaks in LA will vote this one in, hands down! Besides, since "Anvil" was horribly overlooked for some reason, there’s really nothing else that’s close.
Also, welcome to THE BONUS ROUND! That’s right, Johnny!
The Nail is going WAY out on a limb this year and picking DOCUMENTARY SHORT! A first! Oh, yeah…who’s your Daddy?!?!?!?!!!!!
Although The Nail hasn’t seen these either, the short "The Last Truck", about the closing of a GM Plant here in Cleveland, is the pick to win in this category! Why, you ask? "How can you be so sure? You haven’t seen any to make a pick such as this!" That’s what LONGSHOT betting is, people! Besides, what would be more "feel good" than a recessioned-out public watching the Oscars and seeing 4 laid-off Autoworkers on stage with the film’s creators getting to say a few words?!?!
ANIMATED FEATURE:
More of a "no-brainer" than you’d think, even though "Fantastic Mr. Fox" was a critical darling. This category should just be re-named "BEST PIXAR FILM OF THE YEAR"! "Up" is your winner! Could you imagine if Pixar released 2 films in the same year?! Man, that would be like some sort of universe stopping paradox wouldn’t it?!
FOREIGN FILM:
Hey, have you ever wondered how WWI might have started? Well then, you should check out tonight’s winner, "The White Ribbon"! The Nail also believes this film serves as a great reminder that psychotic assholes should never be allowed to procreate…or preach and lead a small village!
CINEMATOGRAPHY:
Let the "AVATAR" party begin!
You want to talk domination…this is where it allllllllll begins! There’s going to be a lot of people drinking up the "Haterade" after this night is out! If there is going to be an upset here, it will be from the astonishing look of "White Ribbon"; shot in color and THEN reworked to black and white for it’s despair-ridden feel. The Nail won’t be surprised here, either way. This one could turn out to be a push.
ART DIRECTION:
Hello again, "Avatar". How yoooooou doin’?!
VISIAL EFFECTS:
Seriously, "Avatar", you’re starting to piss people off now.
FILM EDITING:
Look, "Avatar", I have a gun and I am NOT afraid to use it!
(Although, like Cinematography, The Nail will SO NOT be surprised if "Hurt Locker" somehow wins editing…to get the tense, urgent feel the film gives you, a great editing job is #1. Could be another push.)!
SOUND MIXING:
(To the sound of Dave Chappelle doing Rick James saying "Uuuuuuunity" on Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories:) "Aaaaaaavatar".
SOUND EDITING:
(To the sound of Henry Winkler as Adam Sandler’s Coach saying "Gaaaaaaaaatorade" in "Waterboy" trying to fire him up on the field:) "Aaaaaaaavatar".
ORIGINAL SCORE:
The Nail is going all-in…"Avatar" baby, yeah!
COSTUME DESIGN:
Every so often, there’s a curveball that gets thrown that – despite your best efforts – you just can’t see coming. The period piece, "Young Victoria" would have been the clear cut winner, but then this "Coco Before Chanel" thing popped in. What to do, what to do? I mean, one is all about fashion, and the other is in a time that was all about fashion. "Curveball, Bats are afraid!" Well, I also asked Jobu to come, but he ain’t talking…so I say, FUCK YOU, JOBU! I do it myself……."Young Victoria".
MAKE UP:
Since The Nail doesn’t wear any, we’ll have to look at the 3 nom’s. The gangster film (blood and guts), space movie "Star Trek" (lots of aliens and pointy ears) or the period piece (lots of chicks wearing too much and dudes, well, wearing even a little is too much, but they do!). Hmmmm…Beam me up an Oscar, Scottie!
And Lastly…………
BEST SONG:
You know, The Nail is still really, REALLY pissed off at the Academy. Every year this category changes…3 one year, a dozen the next. And normally, whatever piece of Disney shit that Elton John or Phil Collins puts out there is first on the list. Last year, that ungodly fucking noise from "Slumdog" somehow qualified as real music and won.
Ahhh, but this year, enter Mr. T-Bone Burnett. It’s Country, son! Welcome home! With this song, "The Weary Kind" from "Crazy Heart", the Academy will right itself in The Nail’s eyes…but they will NEVER be forgiven for last years vile "YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY…YAYAYAYAYA (set to cans smashing, synth & bass drums sounds) YAYAYAYAYAYA" we all endured!
If they ever do that again, why not just trot Yoko out there and have her say "Number 9" over and over to cats screeching and nails on a blackboard?!?! That sound is just as good.
Well, there you have it…The Nail’s picks for this years Oscars!
One should get a feel early on how the night will go…if "Avatar" loses the first few to "Hurt Locker" The Nail could be in for a long night (running from bookies). And seeing as The Nail has boldly gone up to 22 categories (minus the usual; Animated short and Live Action short, but daringly adding Documentary short) if we start out slow there could be trouble.
But we don’t think so on this end…in fact, The Nail believes that, at the end of the night, he’ll be slapping an imaginary ass while channeling his inner Ace Ventura screaming: "Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh? Huh? Huh? [mimics Tangina character from Poltergeist movie] I have exorcised the demons... this house is clear."
So enjoy the big show this Sunday!
And, as always, The Nail tells those in attendance;
DO – NOT - FUCKING - CLAP – OR – CHEER – DURING THE "IN MEMORIUM"! IT’s NOT a GODDAMNED POPULARITY CONTEST! SHUT – THE- FUCK – UP!!!!!!!
I have a cousin Vinnie that lives riiiiiiight around the corner from you…he can check in on you. I mean, it’d be a shame if you somehow got so depressed you accidentally commit suicide(…by stabbing yourself 27 times…in the back…before hanging yourself, naked, in a closet with your hands tied to your feet and 2 shots into the back of your head.) That would be a damn shame.
Have a nice night.
Nicky "The Nail" here once again for your Oscar picking needs and ready to lay the smack-down like a baseball bat to the knees. Unlike all of those other WUSSIES out there who only pick the main categories, The Nail is here to give it ALL to you!
Last year – though far from "dominating the Dojo" – was a solid showing. Nobody could have predicted "Slumdog Millionaire" and the way it swept through the technical categories like Fat Uncle Frankie through Jimmy 2 toes’ all you can eat buffet; best in the city.
But hey, if you take away those results, The Nail dominated the 8 major categories (the only ones all the pansy-asses do); Picture through Screenplay, with only 1 miss (damn you, "Slumdog"!) so I feel supremely confidant.
Still, as a matter of fact, this could be a difficult year for The Nail to match his greatest achievement; the 20-1 year of ’97, where the only miss was a last minute change from Kim Basinger to Gloria Stewart (damn you, "Old lady from "Titanic"!)who now sleeps with the fishes…literally. And since the academy has bumped up the Best Picture category from 5 to 10, it makes it all the more difficult to predict the outcome this year.
But having said that, The Nail is ready to rock the Academy’s world and give you:
The Nail’s 2010 Oscar Picks!
Right out of the Gate…let’s go to the Big 8!
BEST PICTURE:
Hey, I love me some Katherine Bigelow; "Point Break" anyone?! But listen, I LOVE me some James Cameron more, always have. Dude is self-made and under constant scrutiny and has never, ever made a bad movie. EVER! The Nail’s bottom line is simply this…with the addition of 5 more movies for Best Picture, this race is nearly impossible to predict. The voting will be spread so thin that even an anorexic actress would agree.
Having said that, The Nail believes this is a 2 picture race between "Avatar" and "The Hurt Locker". Honestly, The Nail believes that the last 15-20 minutes of "Locker" are the reason it’s got all these nominations and such…they were very powerful moments.
Now, here’s the deal…if "Avatar" continues this monster momentum it has gained over the months it’s a no brainer along the same lines as "Lord of the Rings" and "Titanic" were. BUT, if the buzz subsides, and as most Academy voters are elderly and watch many of the nominees on dvd at home, then the splendor of the big screen 3-D "Avatar" will subside, and then perhaps the "Hurt Locker" will ride in or the "This is America, RIGHT NOW" tale of "Up in the Air" could very well win out (that is a wild card prediction, since the 10 nominated films sort of dilute the category).
So, who should you place your bet on then?!?!
The Nail’s going with "Avatar"…the Academy has been dying in the ratings and this is the year they finally accept it and name a popular movie.
Besides, The Nail is tempted to say this pick just because of all the "haters" out there who keep saying it shouldn’t or won’t win; Hmm well, hehe……
BEST DIRECTOR:
Ah, the war of the roses…er, The Cameron’s! Ex- husband and wife. It’s gonna’ be a showdown (insert music here)!
People will not like it, and The Nail will never understand why, but it will be Cameron who wins. Hands down.
All he did was take 15 years to shoot a film, operate all the equipment himself and invent new cameras to make "Avatar". In the meantime, he shattered every record there is in Film…AGAIN. Someone therefore explain to The Nail how THAT is not the very definition of being "The Best"?! Bigelow had cleaned up in the independent awards, but the Globes saw what Cameron did and rewarded him accordingly. So will the Academy.
Besides, the guy just made them 2 and a half BILLION dollars!!!!! Oh, yeah…he won’t win. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure……….
BEST ACTOR:
So confident that this category is a sure thing, The Nail is declaring Jeff Bridges as his LOCK OF THE WEEK! Period. Place your bets. This will not necessarily be because he was the best (although The Nail believes he is)…he will win more so along the lines of Al Pacino, Paul Newman or Sean Connery..."What, he HASN’T EVER WON?! Well, here you go!" And hey, as the old saying goes; "If you want the award, be in a Holocaust movie or play a drunk."
BEST ACTRESS:
Probably the most difficult category of the night! Will Meryl get another statue? Will newcomer Gabby get it for "Precious"? All are valid contestants…but in the end, Sandra Bullock will win for "The Blind Side". It’s simply her year….
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Really, Tucci deserves the win for his body of work! God, The Nail LOVED him in "Undercover Blues"! "Muerte! My name is Death!" LOL! But, Christoph Waltz is like a steamroller! He stole every scene in "Basterds", and there is no doubt in The Nail’s mind he will finish the awards season with Oscar in Hand! (Whispers Hint: He plays a Nazi who gets his. What was that I said above about roles to play for awards?)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
3 letters…O, M, F’N, G! Ok, so that’s more than 3, but listen here…Mo’Nique DESTROYED her role! Just destroyed it. If you never saw her comedy before, you’d NEVER know that was her! Just a totally disturbing acting job that leaves you speechless. If it weren’t for Jeff Bridges, I’d call her The Nail’s Lock of the Week. If ever there was a role that made you want to reach through the screen and choke a bitch, it was this one.
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY:
This is how the Academy will recognize the spectacle that is "The Hurt Locker". Because it will not get Picture, it will be acknowledged for it’s tense writing and dialogue. If Tarantino had a shot in anything this year for "Basterds", it would have been here. As it stands, Mark Boal, "The Hurt Locker".
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY:
Ditto here. "My Daddy made "Ghostbusters" so I get a 3 picture deal even though I’ve never done anything to prove I deserve it." Jason (I fucking hate your guts you prick! Even though, "Thank You For Smoking" and "Juno" were very good…I still fucking hate you! I want to choke this prick in the bathtub like dude did to Sandler in "Little Nicky" while imagining that Kevin Spacey takes all his roles!) Reitman. Enjoy it, you asshole! Maybe this win will help you NOT to look like the spoiled little shit you are; like when the camera was on you at the Globes and you lost to "Avatar"! (And you owe Clooney for this, BIG TIME!)
And now, the rest of the Oscar Race…….
DOCUMENTARY:
For the first time ever, The Nail has actually NOT seen any of the nominated films. I know, SHOCKING! But hey…you see how much time you have to go to an independent theater that only shows a certain film for a week or so and then disappears when you have a 2 year old! Yeah, THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT!
Having said that, The Nail is a gambler, and will STILL make a selection here…bold, I know. Actually, we’ll do 2 – that’s right, 2! – picks.
This is The Nail’s newest category…LONGSHOT OF THE WEEK!
So listen up…For Feature, The Nail is going with "The Cove", about the horrible abuses in Japanese waters towards sea life, mainly Dolphins. The Nail has read a lot about this film, and although "Food Inc. and "Most Dangerous Man in America" have a USA punch, all the PETA freaks in LA will vote this one in, hands down! Besides, since "Anvil" was horribly overlooked for some reason, there’s really nothing else that’s close.
Also, welcome to THE BONUS ROUND! That’s right, Johnny!
The Nail is going WAY out on a limb this year and picking DOCUMENTARY SHORT! A first! Oh, yeah…who’s your Daddy?!?!?!?!!!!!
Although The Nail hasn’t seen these either, the short "The Last Truck", about the closing of a GM Plant here in Cleveland, is the pick to win in this category! Why, you ask? "How can you be so sure? You haven’t seen any to make a pick such as this!" That’s what LONGSHOT betting is, people! Besides, what would be more "feel good" than a recessioned-out public watching the Oscars and seeing 4 laid-off Autoworkers on stage with the film’s creators getting to say a few words?!?!
ANIMATED FEATURE:
More of a "no-brainer" than you’d think, even though "Fantastic Mr. Fox" was a critical darling. This category should just be re-named "BEST PIXAR FILM OF THE YEAR"! "Up" is your winner! Could you imagine if Pixar released 2 films in the same year?! Man, that would be like some sort of universe stopping paradox wouldn’t it?!
FOREIGN FILM:
Hey, have you ever wondered how WWI might have started? Well then, you should check out tonight’s winner, "The White Ribbon"! The Nail also believes this film serves as a great reminder that psychotic assholes should never be allowed to procreate…or preach and lead a small village!
CINEMATOGRAPHY:
Let the "AVATAR" party begin!
You want to talk domination…this is where it allllllllll begins! There’s going to be a lot of people drinking up the "Haterade" after this night is out! If there is going to be an upset here, it will be from the astonishing look of "White Ribbon"; shot in color and THEN reworked to black and white for it’s despair-ridden feel. The Nail won’t be surprised here, either way. This one could turn out to be a push.
ART DIRECTION:
Hello again, "Avatar". How yoooooou doin’?!
VISIAL EFFECTS:
Seriously, "Avatar", you’re starting to piss people off now.
FILM EDITING:
Look, "Avatar", I have a gun and I am NOT afraid to use it!
(Although, like Cinematography, The Nail will SO NOT be surprised if "Hurt Locker" somehow wins editing…to get the tense, urgent feel the film gives you, a great editing job is #1. Could be another push.)!
SOUND MIXING:
(To the sound of Dave Chappelle doing Rick James saying "Uuuuuuunity" on Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories:) "Aaaaaaavatar".
SOUND EDITING:
(To the sound of Henry Winkler as Adam Sandler’s Coach saying "Gaaaaaaaaatorade" in "Waterboy" trying to fire him up on the field:) "Aaaaaaaavatar".
ORIGINAL SCORE:
The Nail is going all-in…"Avatar" baby, yeah!
COSTUME DESIGN:
Every so often, there’s a curveball that gets thrown that – despite your best efforts – you just can’t see coming. The period piece, "Young Victoria" would have been the clear cut winner, but then this "Coco Before Chanel" thing popped in. What to do, what to do? I mean, one is all about fashion, and the other is in a time that was all about fashion. "Curveball, Bats are afraid!" Well, I also asked Jobu to come, but he ain’t talking…so I say, FUCK YOU, JOBU! I do it myself……."Young Victoria".
MAKE UP:
Since The Nail doesn’t wear any, we’ll have to look at the 3 nom’s. The gangster film (blood and guts), space movie "Star Trek" (lots of aliens and pointy ears) or the period piece (lots of chicks wearing too much and dudes, well, wearing even a little is too much, but they do!). Hmmmm…Beam me up an Oscar, Scottie!
And Lastly…………
BEST SONG:
You know, The Nail is still really, REALLY pissed off at the Academy. Every year this category changes…3 one year, a dozen the next. And normally, whatever piece of Disney shit that Elton John or Phil Collins puts out there is first on the list. Last year, that ungodly fucking noise from "Slumdog" somehow qualified as real music and won.
Ahhh, but this year, enter Mr. T-Bone Burnett. It’s Country, son! Welcome home! With this song, "The Weary Kind" from "Crazy Heart", the Academy will right itself in The Nail’s eyes…but they will NEVER be forgiven for last years vile "YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY…YAYAYAYAYA (set to cans smashing, synth & bass drums sounds) YAYAYAYAYAYA" we all endured!
If they ever do that again, why not just trot Yoko out there and have her say "Number 9" over and over to cats screeching and nails on a blackboard?!?! That sound is just as good.
Well, there you have it…The Nail’s picks for this years Oscars!
One should get a feel early on how the night will go…if "Avatar" loses the first few to "Hurt Locker" The Nail could be in for a long night (running from bookies). And seeing as The Nail has boldly gone up to 22 categories (minus the usual; Animated short and Live Action short, but daringly adding Documentary short) if we start out slow there could be trouble.
But we don’t think so on this end…in fact, The Nail believes that, at the end of the night, he’ll be slapping an imaginary ass while channeling his inner Ace Ventura screaming: "Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh? Huh? Huh? [mimics Tangina character from Poltergeist movie] I have exorcised the demons... this house is clear."
So enjoy the big show this Sunday!
And, as always, The Nail tells those in attendance;
DO – NOT - FUCKING - CLAP – OR – CHEER – DURING THE "IN MEMORIUM"! IT’s NOT a GODDAMNED POPULARITY CONTEST! SHUT – THE- FUCK – UP!!!!!!!
I have a cousin Vinnie that lives riiiiiiight around the corner from you…he can check in on you. I mean, it’d be a shame if you somehow got so depressed you accidentally commit suicide(…by stabbing yourself 27 times…in the back…before hanging yourself, naked, in a closet with your hands tied to your feet and 2 shots into the back of your head.) That would be a damn shame.
Have a nice night.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
How you doin?!
Hey, yo everybody!
Nicky "The Nail" here to formally welcome all of you to some "Reel Damn Movie Talk", a place where you can come to get The Nail's reviews and opinions on new releases, old classics and predictions of every kind.
The Nail has been doing this for years on his own, but recently decided to share his plethora of information with you, the movie going public. So, get ready people...The Nail is about to whack you upside the head with his Baseball Bat of Movie knowledge!
Coming soon...The Nail's 2010 Oscar Picks!
Nicky "The Nail" here to formally welcome all of you to some "Reel Damn Movie Talk", a place where you can come to get The Nail's reviews and opinions on new releases, old classics and predictions of every kind.
The Nail has been doing this for years on his own, but recently decided to share his plethora of information with you, the movie going public. So, get ready people...The Nail is about to whack you upside the head with his Baseball Bat of Movie knowledge!
Coming soon...The Nail's 2010 Oscar Picks!
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